Interview with author Helaine Z Harris
I am thrilled to be interviewing Helaine Z Harris, LMFT today, author of the award-winning book "Are You in Love with a Vampire? Healing the Relationship Drain Game." Helaine, can you share a little about yourself and the work you do?
I am a Psychotherapist, intuitive business coach and Shamanic healer with 35 years of experience. I am the founder of An Awakening Center™, which blends over 45 traditional and alternative modalities to assist clients in healing relationship issues, anxiety, depression, trauma and increasing their sense of power while fulfilling their life’s dream. Additionally, I focus on assisting clients to magnetize love, abundance and vibrationally matched clients, as well as perfect job or business opportunities to them.
What was the process that prompted you to write “Are You in Love with a Vampire?”
While working with a Shaman years ago, he told me I was dating a sexual vampire. Since I was emotionally unable to leave the relationship, I did deep inner work to heal my dysfunctional relationship pattern. After discovering that every man I was in a long-term relationship with was an energy vampire of one type or another, I explored the origin of this pattern. This all went back to my raging mother, who was so wounded and empty, that she continually pulled energy from me. Consequently, I found the greater the pull of the energy, the more it felt like love.
From my many explorations and healing experiences, I discovered what it takes to heal this Vampire Relationship Pattern. I could not find any material on dealing with this kind of relationship. So I wrote a book on it because I needed it and so did many of my clients have similar issues. Since then, it became my mission to assist others with these relationship problems.
How do you define a relationship vampire?
An energy vampire is any person who drains or steals another person's energy or life force in some form in order to fill their own emptiness. In this dynamic, the energy exchange is not reciprocal in intimate or familial relationships, friendships, or even work connections. They can steal your energy, time, money, or sense of power, although it usually is unconscious. The vampire is attempting to feed itself and fill its emptiness and/or to gain power.
The root of this pattern goes back to the parent-child relationship and is multi-generational. Many people have a predisposition to becoming involved in vampiring relationships because of the dynamics in their family of origin. The pattern may have been expressed in the dynamic with one or both parents since birth, establishing this pattern as a model for love It often begins with a parent who has little energy themselves from illness, drugs, alcohol addiction or working too much. So they pull on their child’s energy, telling themselves that they just love their child.
Instead of assisting their children to mature and learn how to be independent, they make certain that in some way their children are unable to take care of themselves. They’re not taught about handling money, getting a career, goals, or in any way how to be successful. The purpose, unconsciously, is to keep their children needing them and unable to be independent. This is what I call the Vampire Relationship Pattern, or VRP for short.
What is the difference between healthy love and vampire love?
A healthy, alive loving relationship usually requires a shared vision and is based on partnership and co-creation. It means letting go of fantasy and recognizing both you and your partner are here to grow. I believe it requires us to see every potential issue or problem as a chance to explore, get to know each other more fully and grow, emotionally as well as spiritually. It takes courage to recognize our issues and imperfections and be vulnerable with our intimate partner, but that is what takes a relationship into the depths that survives time.
The biggest difference between vampire love and healthy love is that the energy exchange in healthy relationships is more equal over time. That does not mean if you drive three times this week, your partner does the same. It means that you both put in 100% into the relationship, yet you may have different strengths and do different things for the family. We take care of our own needs and don't expect our partners to do that for us. We do not vampire ourselves or our partners. We honor ourselves by not abandoning or betraying ourselves. We also honor our partner. We focus on being there for each other as well as ourselves.
In the book you talk about healing occurring in stages. What are the most important stages in healing a vampire relationship?
There are 11 stages to healing this pattern. The first 3 stages are generally done in order but some may occur simultaneously. Other stages you may revisit several times in your healing process. Learning how to fill yourself from the inside is the KEY. I find opening to Spirit (or whatever word you use) to fill you with love, light and healing energy is what fills the emptiness inside and continually replenishes your energy. You are able to magnetize more people, health and business to you that resonate at a higher frequency. You begin to have friendships that function in a healthier manner that actually energize you instead of draining you. Life becomes much more pleasant, loving, fulfilling and JOYFULL!
Helaine Z. Harris, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist, intuitive healer, business coach, lecturer specializing in anxiety/depression, trauma, empowerment, relationships, developing creativity. She loves training therapists and healers in her methods and modalities and has recently been focusing on prosperity, developing intuition, financial freedom and business intuition. She also does classes and workshops on the VRP pattern, the Journey of Love and Healing Heart Wounds. Her website is www.hzharris.com and email firstname.lastname@example.org. You can contact her by phone at 818-782-6869 or 800-308-4372.